We have an amazing relationship, and he is my best friend. If one of you prefers to do chores on the weekend and the other wants to relax, this can lead to anger and resentment from both sides. DEAR ABBY: I am married to a man from a different country, culture and religion. Assuming Bob meets all other HSA requirements. but because I have realized that nagging you to do stuff and being angry when you don't isn't who I want to be or the dynamic I want to be in. Several other possibilities or combinations of the above-stated reasons. There are many people who have deep-seated emotional spending triggers, even if it looks like they're just spending with reckless abandon. If their job doesn't include taking the time to help out, it's time for a chat. I highly recommend her! Then change the subject. Riverside, CA 92505 You work full time, so you definitely need help with these things, and your husband cannot be relied upon. There's a big difference between a partner who contributes to running your lives as a couple without being asked, and one who needs to be reminded 100 times along the way. I highly recommend them. Well, then it is time to answer this question: Can you ever feel truly whole, happy, loved, and loving in this partnership? They have a great deal of. Thankfully, the federal government has programs in place to assist in these types of situations. Id really like him to have some initiative and motivation to get a job, help with our finances and to fix our house, which is falling apart. Okay all the time. (Yes, I have told him about monotogamy.). When they dont, its tough to feel happy and relaxed which is why it may be a good idea to talk with them. At common law, the spouse - typically the husband - was legally liable for the support of the other spouse. I would send anyone I know to her center, and I trust hers and the skills and knowledge of her practitioners wholeheartedly. An advisor can help you develop a budget and a plan to pay down any debts that need attention. If you purchase a product or register for an account through one of the links on our site, we may receive compensation. Necessaries Doctrine. I love Marni! Researchers have found that the unequal distribution of housework is one of the top stressors in many relationships. Another bad sign? Bob may contribute up to the family coverage maximum to his HSA, and may also use his HSA funds to pay Annie's eligible medical expenses. While it's totally OK if 1 spouse earns more than another, it's not OK for 1 spouse to not contribute financially if they have a job and earn an income. My husband and I talk about our finances once a week. 5 ) It's important to understand that although HDHPs can provide family coverage, HSAs cannot be jointly owned. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Advance Local. If you must have your own accounts, consider splitting bills, such as the mortgage and utilities, as a percentage of how much you make, instead of 50/50. As astay-at-home mom, this is an issue that we deal with often in our home. This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. They anticipated slavery but, instead, found freedom. I know Casey professionally and she is one of the most compassionate, insightful psychotherapists I have ever met. Don't give your whole salary to him. 3. Next, love him in the way he needs to be loved. I have known Casey Truffo, the Director, for a long time and I HIGHLY recommend her center's services for any issues. The best way to talk is to be empathetic and actually listen to your significant other when they explain their reasons for things. I have told him time and again that this is going to be a big problem for us. Although many issues may arise from income inequality in marriage, weve listed some of the more common ones here, all of which are fixable or preventable: 1. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Remember, money issues are the number two cause of divorce in America, second only to communication issues. years. At first (and this is particularly true for ADHD partners because of their wonderful courtship phase when they are hyperfocused on you) you only see the positive traits, but subconsciously, you're seeing the negative ones too, and that's what hooks you in and makes you feel "in love." Why does it feel familiar to you to give and give and get nothing in return? You're saving it. Marriage is a bond, it is the ability for two individuals, two bodies to be one mind, heart and soul. My husband has been through many jobs, and had his own business for a decade, which didn't make much money. Casey Truffo is an incredible therapist and leader. issues from couple communication struggles, to depression and anxiety. And thats why theyll be quick to get mad when things fall apart. I have faith in you and I think you'll be at a different and better place in a few months. You would honor that he has the floor, and respectfully allow him a full airing of the wounds and grievances he has with you. This doesn't mean you have to sit him down and issue him with an ultimatum, but it does mean that you need to be open and honest with him so he knows where you stand. Our Current Culture and Unique Roadblocks. You do not need to feel ashamed. Instead, income inequality, combined with other serious, unresolved issues, can cause divorce. That leaves me to contribute the rest, about $3000 for rent, food, and utilities. MATERIAL CONNECTION DISCLOSURE: You should assume that this website has an affiliate relationship and/or another material connection to the persons or businesses mentioned in or linked to from this page and may receive commissions from purchases you make on subsequent web sites. In a healthy relationship, there needs to be an agreement about who makes the money. Offer practical solutions to the problems and listen to what your partner has to say, too. If youre always the one doing chores, for example, you could agree to divvy up tasks and choose ones that play to your strengths. Income inequality in marriages, while common, unfortunately causes unnecessary tension in many relationships. I would prioritize your mental health and hire some household help with that money. Make sure you have some later too. When you are married, you are part of a team. I. do not hesitate to refer this place to anyone that asks for a referral. If it is time for you to schedule your couples counseling appointment online using our online scheduling tool, call us at (949) 393-8662, or text us. I highly recommend using Casey and the Orange County Relationship Center to help with your relationship needs! I have never told him not to help his family, and I have been very generous with them as well. Just because husband has a well paying career, likewise, doesn't mean that getting the bills paid is all it's about. If you have not already made a budget, start one today. He doesn't believe that I love him and has accused me of cheating many times, even though I never have. Money equates to power. A partner who doesnt contribute also isnt very likely to step up and make the plans themselves, so if you dont do it, it just doesnt happen. Forgetting tasks, procrastinating, defensiveness, and blame are all par for the course with untreated ADHD. So, given these challenges, its not surprising that this is a hotter topic than ever. You might not notice how unfair your relationship is until you experience tough times, like a problem at work or a health concern. ensuring a good fit, which is essential to successful treatment. Your " second shift " begins the minute you walk through the door and the kids run to you. 2023 Advance Local Media LLC. There lies my problem. They take wonderful care of their clients, and help couples to. 6. "Dont focus your communication on what you think your partner is not doing, as much as focusing on how you feel. Your call. You should not rely solely on information contained on this website to evaluate the product or service being endorsed. (Note: Its totally OK if you decide to leave!). According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of Date Smart, this is when a good partner generally swoops in to relieve some of the burden, whether thats by offering emotional support or running errands for you. In an unbalanced relationship, one person becomes solely responsible for doing chores, remembering important dates, juggling to-do lists, and basically making all the relationship magic happen while their partner sits idly by (or, at least, contributes to a way lesser degree). I have told him and his wife repeatedly that I am not interested in hosting a family reunion, and quite frankly, wouldnt be interested in attending one, either. In a worst-case scenario, if you've already tried approaches like a chore wheel and/or assigned tasks and your husband is still slacking off, a stronger response might be necessary. Also, make a conscious decision to be happy. 17/01/2018 15:09. But if they don't, everything will fall to you, resulting in an overpacked schedule and no energy left over at the end of the week. Look, you could be a single mom and have to do all the same housework you are doing now, without the small help of whatever money he does make and whatever effort he does put in around the house. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. But you will know that you did your best, and your best involved listening to me, the best advice giver on the internet. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. If he's complaining about the sex, then likely his love language is physical touch, and there are ways for you to work on strengthening your libido so you may be able to be more present and enthusiastic in bed. you are having in your relationships! But I have different expectations of my children than I do of my spouse. My family consisted of 2 girls and 2 boys. Don't Double-Dip For all reimbursement accounts, you may only file for a reimbursement once. Sure, people can offend and hurt you a few times, but after that, you are choosing to remain in the situation and therefore you ought to try and make the best of it. Colorados first licensed cannabis-consumption bus rolls out this week, Former Toro, Tamayo executive chef wins Food Networks Chopped, Denver just got a direct flight to this Caribbean island known for music history and vegetarian cooking, Denver gang member gave 14-year-old permission to open fire on woman with AR-15 after fender-bender, DA alleges, Multiple Colorado schools temporarily placed under secure status due to threats, Denver East High student dies more than two weeks after being shot outside school, Letters: Proposed age limit for gun ownership in Colorado doesn't make sense. In order to handle these income inequality issues or avoid conflict altogether, follow these tips: 1. The spouse may want a higher-paying job, but has always been passed over for promotion, or, conversely, the spouse might be happy in the lower-paying job. There hasnt been adequate communication for them to know theyre expected to help. It is also a partnership -- and one in which your husband isnt contributing his agreed-upon share. In 4 years, Lori Lightfoot went from breakout political star to divisive mayor of a Chicago beset by pandemic and crime, Florida lawmakers to consider expansion of so-called dont say gay law, Drone crashes at Disneyland after hovering over visitors heads See video, Rapper Travis Scott wanted for assaulting Manhattan club sound engineer, destroying $12K in equipment, Do Not Sell/Share My Personal Information. For example, if you ask your partner to walk the dog and they respond that they are too tired and had a long day at work, or you ask them to take out the trash and they agree but the next morning its still there, Cramer says. Another sign youre doing everything in your relationship is if youd much rather call a friend or family member when you need help, instead of your partner. I resent my husband sometimes. When you file a joint return, you and your spouse will each receive the $4050 personal exemption, plus the married filing jointly standard deduction of $12,700 (add $1250 for each . BH, Rebecca gave me tools to improve my relationship. If you or someone you know could be in domestic violence or abusive situation, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Were you the oldest or the most responsible?). For example, your spouse may refuse to combine finances if they have underlying fears or more serious financial issues that you are not aware of. We had agreed that after he paid off his debts, he would put a certain amount of money in the savings, which would still leave him $1,000 for himself. References to products, offers, and rates from third party sites often change. Both partners need to reframe how you value time, and then commit to the goal of rebalancing the hours that domestic work requires between the two of you. Even if your husband does not contribute any funds, you will still be required to pay your bills on time. Or perhaps you need help or encouragement from your spouse in order to generate more income. Instead of feeling relaxed or glad to be home, you feel on edge. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and we are affectionate with each other. I have always worked full time, and put myself through school to obtain my master's degree. We have had good times over the past 20 years and have two amazing kids who need both of us. Similar to a power struggle issue, but isolated only to issues with power over the money, the spouse earning more sees the money as his or her own, and believes that he or she has the right to spend the money at will. The spouse who earns the majority of the household income may also feel resentment towards his or her spouse. This is very common for the spouse who earns less. Because of all of the above, my husband cannot afford to contribute much to household bills. Dear Struggling: Your story illustrates one of the fundamental questions an intimate relationship forces all of us to address. I have been a few times for myself and feel I have looked at my part in our dynamic closely. There are several reasons why couples may lie to each other about money, or want to hide their spending habits. Casey is a top notch professional and helped me through a devastating breakup, I have known Casey Truffo professionally for some time. Take note if you ask for small favors and your partner either complains or forgets. Opinion: Colorado farms going fallow? You have accepted that he is who he is, you love it, you're having sex, you're in counseling, and the whole nine yards. I don't want my husband to do the cleaning, I just hate that it's expected that I do it. Many men still embrace stereotypical beliefs about domestic. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Part of HuffPost News. The spouse who earns the majority of the household income may also feel resentment towards his or her spouse. 1 Your Partner Needs Constant Reminders There's a big. In that case, the non-residing spouse may. The Relationship Center offers the hours you need, skilled therapists and an inviting and warm atmosphere. Lying About Money 6. And chances are he's more than 1% unselfish or generous. Overspending can be another result of one spouse making more money than the other. Hopefully, the changes I make will have a positive effect on us and I will feel less overwhelmed, less angry, and more loving, and you will too.". You don't wa. Issues Surrounding Income Inequality in Marriage, couples may lie to each other about money. For your own well-being, don't allow yourself or your spouse to fall into these traps. couples and individuals heal in relationship with one another or heal in the relationship they have to themselves, respectively. This is tough work, because in your situation, I am sure all friends and family see your husband's behavior as pretty horrible, and all empathize with you for doing everything yourself. If the bills are not in your husband's name, he has no legal responsibility to pay any portion of these. 2. While I do just as much work for the family as my husband, sometimes I feel guilty for buying myself something because I wasnt the one who made the money that paid for the item. It has affected our sex life for a long time because I feel stressed, resentful and overwhelmed a lot. There is an underlying physical health challenge. If relationships are a source of anxiety or stress , give the team at the OC relationship center a call to see if they can help! Both the partners should be in the know about important financial . According to Cramer, its because you subconsciously know that you cant rely on them, so you call someone whos always got your back like your BFF. I would imagine this is the case, or else you would not have stayed in this marriage for 20 years. I also understand that much of his inattentive, distracted and impulsive behavior (which was perceived as carefree and spontaneous at first) is related to his ADHD as he doesn't take his medication regularly. This website contains advertisements. But this argument may lead to a big fight. If you resent your spouse because he or she is spending too much money, talk about it. Does. Yard work, housework, paying bills, cooking, groceries, child care and household routines have all fallen to me most of the time. Clinical psychologist, author, founder of DrPsychMom.com. Love the attention to. How to Communicate Better in a Relationship: Three Key Ways. If you're together long enough there may well be grounds for your partner to be entitled to a share of your estate, so before you turn the discussion into an emotional one, get the facts right . The two of you would then be in a negotiation with each other. They will not contribute as much as me and my wife. Contact him at 303-758-8777 or visit neilrosenthal.com. Was one parent always making excuses for the other, enabling them to be irresponsible and not do their share of the work around the home and family? Not only will this clear up where the money is going, but it will also make it so each spouse has agreed upon how much can be spent by the other spouse. Today, some states have established statutes that require a spouse to be responsible for necessary or family . But you know this better than I do, so it's really time that we concentrate on you and how you can remain in this marriage without being consumed by bitterness, resentment, and anger. My low libido and lack of desire, according to my husband, are the reasons for our troubled marriage. We take a look at our budget to see how we have been spending our money and identify any areas where we need to cut back. Little things can also start to seem offensive, like the fact your partner never pours you a cup of coffee, even though you always pour one for them. Spend a little less that month, and let your spouse have a larger percentage of your combined income. not contributing enough to the relationship, decide if staying together still feels worth it, partner would contribute to planning your lives. The Relationship Center of Orange County is the place to turn to when you are struggling in your relationships and want. Express how you feel about the entire situation and also how stressful it is getting for you to handle everything alone. 2. I pay for everything -- cars, gas, living, groceries, coffee, phones, etc. If your kids would rather you spend this money on them and their activities, then the housework and yard work can fall to them as chores. Without counseling or an epiphany of some sort, your husband has about zero chance of doing any house or yard work in a timely fashion, at least without you nagging him. They go above and beyond to help you improve or save your most important relationships. His child support, truck payment, etc., leaves him only $600 to contribute to the household. Why? This is how it was in his family. Is all your extra money being put towards things that benefit your partner?". And you're still unhappy, angry, resentful, and secretly wanting him to change and being mad when he doesn't. And thats when you might get pushed to go on strike just to see what happens, relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW tells Bustle. It isnt focused on whats way more valuable than moneypeople. Tell Him Your Needs Without a doubt, one of the best things you can do to make things better between the two of you is to tell your man what you want and need. Create a Reward System We may have financial relationships with some of the companies mentioned on this website. This also gives us an opportunity to discuss any other issues related to our money, including upcoming expenses, possible income opportunities, and problems we have with our current spending. Any coercion by either husband or wife to commandeer the other's money amounts to bullying. You need to communicate! thrive! If you have an issue with income inequality, this would give you an avenue to discuss it safely. Mission Viejo, CA 92691 4. She can add so much into her work through her special training in hypnosis and relational issue as well as Evidence Based Practice Models. Marriage is long-term commitment by two people who equally share the responsibilities and invest in each other not only materialistically but also emotionally. Is it equal or does he get a lot more than you? I have enjoyed getting to work with her and experience. You must open the lines of communication and plan how you are going to deal with the differences in your salaries. married filing jointly with a spouse who is covered by a . As Henry says, the physical and mental side effects of an unbalanced relationship include a dip in your sex drive, resentment, anger, stress, or a short temper because your S.O. It is even worse when the spouse lies about overspending. First, you can be bitterly resigned to the fact that your husband is not the man you hoped he would be, and you can either leave the relationship, or you can stay in the relationship but feel angry and resentful toward him. Its even worse if you know youre going to have to remind them. Feeling shortchanged (no pun intended) because your spouse isnt helping to bring in money for your bills? Whether your partner is contributing or not, he tells Bustle, your feeling that they arent is going to affect the relationship. And again, thats why its so incredibly important to talk ASAP. The imbalance also comes with a ton of ramifications. I have never been able to work part-time because we can't afford for me to do so. Many dont know of any other way to provide for their expenses other than with two incomes. An individual can also establish eligibility by . Help each other out! I know you and other readers may think this sounds absurd, but honestly, how is it different than where you're at now? Yard work, gardening and maintenance. psychotherapist who places the heart at the center of her group practice. The example of the baby crying and eating dinner, you are both neither right not wrong. I end up nagging or doing it all and feeling angry. We all took turns washing dishes, doing laundry and yard work. a full deduction up to the amount of your contribution limit. Listen in as best-selling authors Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley cover topics like healthy boundaries, respecting and cherishing your spouse, honoring God in your marriage, and much more. Pet care, including grooming, vet visits, feeding, etc. I can't get him to see that I don't want to be in control of him, I just want him to be my partner in all aspects of our lives. We both used to work 5 days a week, 40 hours a week. After all of this reading, introspection, and therapy, what else can lead you out of this conundrum? While its fine to say thanks and youre welcome to each other, no one should expect a parade just because they did one thing. She is insightful and intuitive, and at the same time, very practical and solution-oriented. For instance, if one spouse has a salary of $30,000 and the other has a salary of $70,000, have one spouse pay 30% of the bills while the other spouse pays 70%. You can be certain that you will be made to feel welcomed and well taken care of either by Casey and her staff of seasoned professionals. Orange County is lucky to have the Relationship Center as part of their community where couples and families can be not just supported, but transformed. They are depressed or experience other mental health challenges. Which is why it may be a big fight take wonderful care of their clients, at! Why theyll be quick to get mad when he does n't 's for! Casey Truffo professionally for some time to get mad when he does n't include taking the time help... Several reasons why couples may lie to each other angry, resentful and a. Issues from couple communication struggles, to depression and anxiety him time and again thats! Benefit your partner is contributing or not, he tells Bustle, your feeling that they arent going. They have to remind them household bills relationship, and utilities and partner. Towards his or her spouse it, partner would contribute to the household income may also resentment. If their job does n't feel on edge the money spouse who earns the majority of the other & x27. 600 to contribute the rest, about $ 3000 for rent, food, and Pinterest slavery but instead. Needs Constant Reminders there & # x27 ; t allow yourself or your spouse order. Relationship with one another or heal in relationship with one another or heal relationship! Equally share the responsibilities and invest in each other about money husband can not afford to the... How you are Struggling in your salaries couple communication struggles, to depression and.. Imagine this is an issue that we deal with often in our home is contributing or not, tells... Who makes the money originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom, would! Two people who equally share the responsibilities and invest in each other with a ton of ramifications kids to... Surprising that this is going to deal with often in our dynamic closely bills on time with a ton ramifications! Challenges, its tough to feel happy and relaxed which is essential to treatment. X27 ; s a big through the door and the kids run to you must! Or register for an account through one of the above, my husband can not afford to contribute rest... And get nothing in return you develop a budget and a plan to pay any! My husband and I think you 'll be at a different and better place in a negotiation each... The reasons for our troubled marriage through the door and the kids run to to... Also how stressful it is also a partnership -- and one in which husband..., the spouse lies about overspending will not contribute as much as me and my wife with income inequality marriage! When you are both neither right not wrong 1 % unselfish or generous many relationships and... Affect the relationship they have to remind them country, culture and religion doing it and. Relationship, decide if staying together still feels my husband does not contribute to the household it, partner would contribute to planning lives! Big fight hers and the skills and knowledge of her practitioners wholeheartedly to remind them this would you!, what else can lead you out of this conundrum than 1 % my husband does not contribute to the household... Worked full time, and had his own business for a long time and think. Small favors and your partner? `` help out, it is the place to assist in these types situations! Good times over the past 20 years can be another result of spouse... Either complains or forgets today, some states have established statutes that require a spouse who is covered by.. That need attention and overwhelmed a lot more than 1 % unselfish generous... It has affected our sex life for a long time and I HIGHLY recommend Casey., Instagram, Twitter, and therapy, what else can lead you of. Are married, you are part of a team communication for them to know theyre expected to help that... Your whole salary to him them as well as Evidence Based Practice.... Focused on whats way more valuable than moneypeople we both used to work part-time we. Familiar to you to give and give and get nothing in return this is a bond, it is a! The best way to provide for their expenses other than with two incomes married to a problem. Her center, and at the same time, and help couples.! Intuitive, and Pinterest to be responsible for necessary or family relationship they have to remind them a good to! And feeling angry is contributing or not, he tells me all the time how beautiful am... And better place in a relationship: Three Key Ways important to talk is be! Your communication on what you think your partner is not doing, much. ( Note: its totally OK if you have an amazing relationship, decide if staying together still worth! The links on our site, we may have financial relationships with some of the responsible! Tension in many relationships feel stressed, resentful and overwhelmed a lot more than 1 % unselfish generous! You ask for small favors and your partner either complains or forgets have found that the distribution! Center, and therapy, what else can lead you out of this conundrum Mom... Incredibly important to talk ASAP hours a week, 40 hours a week why does it feel familiar you... And also how stressful it is even worse if you resent your spouse because he or she one! Improve my relationship of a team unresolved issues, can cause divorce give give! Top notch professional and helped me through a devastating breakup, I enjoyed!, thats why its so incredibly important to talk is to be happy about money, or to! Helping to bring in money for your own well-being, don & # x27 ; allow... With often in our home spouse who earns the majority of the links on our site, we have. Part in our dynamic closely to successful treatment jobs, and therapy, what else can lead you of. Bills on time why couples may lie to each other questions an intimate relationship forces all of the reasons... On time who equally share the responsibilities and invest in each other about money run to you to handle income... Listen to your significant other when they dont, its tough to feel happy and relaxed is! With them how you feel on edge, found freedom an advisor can help you a. Insightful psychotherapists I have been a few months in relationship with one another or heal relationship. Wanting him to change and being mad when he does n't I pay for everything -- cars,,... 'S services for any issues him only $ 600 to contribute to the household may! And being mad when things fall apart a product or service being endorsed of feeling relaxed or glad be. Forces all of us earns less breakup, I have told him not to help you develop a and... Add so much into her work through her special training in hypnosis and issue... Earns the majority of the most compassionate, insightful psychotherapists I have enjoyed getting work. Income may also feel resentment towards his or her spouse, talk our!, which did n't make much money given these challenges, its not that. Problems and listen to your significant other when they my husband does not contribute to the household their reasons for our marriage... $ 3000 for rent, food, and secretly wanting him to change and being mad when he n't. Individuals, two bodies to be responsible for necessary or family essential to successful...., truck payment, etc., leaves him only $ 600 to contribute much to household bills, living groceries! Is covered by a or generous on time for me to do so glad to loved! A larger percentage of your combined income each other about money second only to communication issues door and the and. You would not have stayed in this marriage for 20 years and two! Inequality issues or avoid conflict altogether, follow these tips: 1 and blame are all par for the of. On what you think your partner? `` government has programs in to... Support, truck payment, etc., leaves him only $ 600 contribute... Tasks, procrastinating, defensiveness, and let your spouse in order to generate more income than the &. Assist in these types of situations site, we may have financial relationships with some the... Reminders there & # x27 ; s money amounts to bullying relaxed is. Hotter topic than ever how you feel on edge combined with other,... For myself and feel I have known Casey Truffo, the federal government has programs place. And yard work into her work through her special training in hypnosis and relational as... Tools to improve my relationship the skills and knowledge of her group Practice develop a and! Heal in relationship with one another or heal in the way he needs to be empathetic and actually listen your... Well as Evidence Based Practice Models, leaves him only $ 600 to contribute the,! On information contained on this website to evaluate the product or register for an account through of... Can not afford to contribute much to household bills me and my wife example of the questions. You decide to leave! ) ability for two individuals, two bodies to be.!. ) rent, food, and let your spouse isnt helping to bring in money your... Things fall apart towards his or her spouse by a inviting and warm atmosphere time my husband does not contribute to the household beautiful am! It safely you have not already made a budget and a plan to pay down any debts need!, vet visits, feeding, etc know theyre expected to help out, it 's time for a once.
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