I told him to maybe give it a year before we actually start dating again though I will be here for him to talk to but I suggested him to write me letters instead of calling me. I basically take care of him like a kid and goes behind my back and decieves me. If there is any way you can get him to see a quality therapist, that would be good. My husband asked where his wheel trim was & Peter said its broken; got it out the trunk & showed my husband. And I have no advice for you. That I had some huge disappointments to get through (school fails, dream fails, health fails) and 6 months ago I was kissing him and was distracted. or spend time with her to make her feel loved n shell love u back. Listening to the sexy chief of police in the shower. What do I do and how do I make her be in love with me again and be on the same page, not just me bleeding my heart out with nothing in return? I was in shock I think, I think im still in shock. actually we had few fights before coz of my ex but i dint delete him or got him out of my life . She began borrowing money from me almost weekly for work expenses. When your ex- sees you as completely changed and she, too, is stronger and healed, then there are possibilities. please give me some ideas i am lost dont know what to do thank you again for answer my desperate email good bless you !you are given me hope thanks again. He has broken every promise outside that. He didnt, but while we were dating, I found out he was on tinder 3 times. this is not my friend, the person I fell in love with who was my biggest support, best friend and life partner. I still have feelings for her but i think she still does too but she the Ok our relationship of going bad only my fault. she begged for almost 8 months but I was so focused on my ambition and career. On Sunday I tried taking to her but she was adamant it was over saying she still loves me but isnt in love with me and that shes not attracted to me anymore. And that I have since then falling in love with her over and over. Until this past July. To give us a new start and to find jobs. Be new, be interesting! But I cant get him to talk to me. I do love her soo much Id do anything to get her back so right now I had seeker a lot of professional help. He has never lied to me and usually says what he means, but Im lost. What should i do? Although it was very out of character for me I recently cheated on him with another man who makes me feel happy and wanted. I dont know what to do here. Hi, The anxiety has brought so much stuff up that bother me (things that didnt bother me or wouldnt bother anyone but the anxiety and depression and adhd are making me irretated all the time) Any advice? The club is or was going to be the venue for our wedding reception and my fianc was talking to the chairman/club manager about plans, telling her sister where everything was going to go and discussing honeymoon ideas etc. Last November I made a huge mistake and cheated on him. For me saying those few words I am in love with you might have changed everything. But you are not the only person who must show your true colors. Started really caring how others saw him. So she went back home I tried to communicate with her and work through problems. It is necessary for a couple to understand this and this problem should be healed before marriage. Has pushed me away and said he will never love me again. any words of encouragement or suggestions on my post from June 18? And we all know very well that once reality sets in and we live together a while, that person, whaddayknow, has flaws! She may may trying a way to get my attention. If you pray, then pray for help. People tell me she does care and misses me because she talks to them about me at times but I dont feel like she does. Is he happy? Says I am not part of his future. The first among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to plan a place where you both will be comfortable But he recently had weight loss surgery and started going out more often. He says that im the one for him. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? Hi Lisa, hi dr . I think if I was able to open my heart again to him, our marriage could thrive, because he is already in that place. What Im thinking is that you dont know who you are let alone who he is and he has the same problem. My fiance feeling guilty decided to have a huge party here before Brazil and that hid mothers happiness and needs when it came to the wedding details should come first because he was doing this for her. How can I tear diwn the wall that has been built around her that bears my name? Thats how it seemed. He contacted me right after his arrival in France. He will be coming back to Nigeria in November to see his grandma and to see me for the very first time(as we started dating online). Depression I put her threw. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I would suggest you work on your insecurities so as to assure yourself and him that you will never backslide if you are together. Do that so you will be a really new Man for the next girlfriend. Should I agree to the separation? Were on the same team!! I love her deeply and I know what I have to do to change, but weve been over this ground before. I have a feeling he is going through some sort of emotional crisis, like a breakdown. And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. If you have some self-worth, you may temporarily be fooled into thinking that the lack of reciprocation of your love reveals a fundamental flaw in the other person. We lived off his financial aid money for that year, until I finished school and he dropped out for the first time. But i stayed around. I was okay with that as long as it was just friends. I tried to stop him and even sent CVs for him here in Portugal without telling him. He said his heart wasnt in it, he wasnt happy, things hadnt really changed. The constant verbal and physical abuse have left me with depression, anxiety, stress, and fear of giving in again. Im struggling with communication issues with my partner. but i think he want it to work because he is hanging around to see if things will change in my behaviour. We are due to go counselling very soon but her heart is not in it and I fear my actions have lost me my wife. After about 3 years of physical and mental abuse, can she love me again? We were mentally matched. Although there is too much detail to write with respect to how I finally found out but in April 2015 I found more proof than I wanted that he had been unfaithful. I have apologized to her but with each passing day I feel like she is beginning to hate and resent me for what I did to her. The best relationships are made with two people who are secure within themselves. Open with his communication with her. I know he still loves me. I would never never hit anyone or had cheated but all this had made her feel scared of me. If you see a marriage & family therapist who is skilled at anger issues, then you can eventually bring him into the therapy so he can see that you are, indeed, working on yourself and this wont happen in the future. I am understanding that relationships are a two-way street and in order to make them work and reciprocate the love that your partner deserves you must first love yourself. Your actions in betraying were not giving, not even to yourself. Any advice would be amazing. Id appreciate that. I was upset that he went out with his friend who treated me really badly a few years ago. Help! My feelings about myself are under construction, I just try to be the best person I can. I made a mistake months ago when we had just started dating but he hasnt forgiven me since. This can be romantic and slightly awkward, but thats what makes it fun, too, because you get the chance to laugh at your mistakes or hers without fear of judgment (or so she thinks). Im not sure why it needs to I fell in love with him since 6 months ago was not straight away we have been having a physical relationship for nearly 2 years! He has always been so focussed in what he wants and if problems occur, deals with them. Real life is never like the fantasy we have when we first fall in love. Could you please reply to my post from Sept 20? I told him I needed time to heal and I knew I could get past this, but within a day or so he wanted to act like things were fine. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. During that time, i became close with a guy. Ive been trying self help and Im about to start counseling. Hes been one of my best friends since college and my boyfriend knew that. He feels like I dont show him that I love him and it makes me sad because I do but I know deep down its the hurt thats caused me to become so guarded and cold towards him. I would say hes left me a total of 15 or more times within our 10 year relationship. On IG, he was chatting up another too. Part of me says hes just gone too far this time. I need help to try to fix it. We are both in our early 20s and I think Im too young to have this kind of stress in my life and so is he. You may have felt too low a sense of self-esteem to select properly the first time so you would benefit from work on your self esteem. I sat a mere 30cm away. Even then, while we were in public, I didnt really like showing my love for her in front of other people, especially my family and friends (I used to though). Whats odd to me is that it seems like she grew madder and madder over time, when I assumed it would get better. I have now distanced myself from him (something that he said he didnt want) and have realised i need help. Finally he visits me and decides to stay he had nothing but the stuff he brought with him so I supported him in everyway until he could himself and we were good for another year. Can you see that? I have looked up article upon article on peoples experiences and tried to seek advice from other married couples that I know but in the end, I cannot figure out if I really want to stay or go. He litterly does nothing. Mind you he still lives in his car, he knows absolutely no one, and has no family close by. People tell me its a front that she puts up. Before I met him I had been in a 5 yr relationship that emotionally and mentally abused me, and before then, throughout my childhood and teenage years, id been abused the same way by my father. When we first met and also 3 years into the relationship she loved me then but then saw changes in me. 2. work on your self esteem. However, I knew he was a very flirty person, had a lot of female friends but it was never more than friendship. utterly devastated (UK). I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . She also suffers from depression so I wonder if thats whats wrong? She does not want to fix it. He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. But like I said, nothing changed. Know who you are first, what you need in a dream partner, and be patient. They never met each other in person, but met over a social media website. I do also still have feelings for my husband. But he meant what he was saying and weve been back together for about 5 months and ive had some uneasy feelings. I was lonely. On the surface in the beginning on good behavior and then the same ole same ole is back. I would appreciate any advise. You did not take good care of YOU all that time messing w a married man. But not all else is equal. If your boyfriend sees you as self-reliant and stable then it could restore his trust. I have been in this relationship for 8 months. I think apart of.me was scared that I would move in with my child and he would eventually break up with me and I dont think I could bare that. He left me. This just goes to my question does this mean its no chance of saving my marriage. She seems more open to have a laugh, when I talk about the future it doesnt seem to have entered her mind that Im not in it. We never did anything before getting married ( we were forced to get married because we got knocked up) we were not ready to get married. Now has started dating and she even went as far as to tell another she wanted to have sex nothing else. I cannot continue living in such an emotionally empty space. He should have THANKED you for teaching him a valuable life lesson: dont be abusive. During that time. Im so hurt right now. You know this blog is getting busysorry I couldnt answer everyone. I told him I dont love him anymore. and this girl i love, shes lost trust in me. He is giving hundreds of reasons and wants me to trust him and believe that we will be together. I only know this because she told me. I also dont know if I should contact him. He ended up being seduced by a girl who wanted to hurt her fianc and cheated. I didn't necessarily LOVE them (or love them more) once they were gone, but I learned to appreciate more what I had with them. Hi Kathleen, Generally its the case that both people in a marriage contribute in some way to its downfall. Well, the weight came off and she looks and feels fantastic! I feel guilty. Rent it. He contacted me 10 days before going to France to look for a job. I really want to try and work things out any suggestions ? He would flirt with other women in front of me and constantly made sexual comments about other women both to me and in front of me. I wish I could change the past but I cantI clearly didnt love him thenor if I did I loved myself moreI was a selfish child I know but what do I do now? is this something else im going through bc she hasnt done anything bad shes been there for me also id like to know what is the true meaning of love ?? i know its very obvious. If it is someone fresh out of school, she or he will not have the expertise you need. All I would like is a chance to let him know I realise that. I am going exactly through the same situation and feel so lost and confused. I dont feel the same drift he does, so it is very confusing. He still wants to see me maybe ease off the physical side be morelike friends which I will find difficult knowing what weve have, hes also said the same. Then, when our bucket is full it is easier not to count: did he do this for me? She is literally more angry about it now then she was when she first got the message. hes very quiet and antisocial, doesnt like the neighbours etc, i love them all! After my Graduation, I joined the US Army and have been doing great until this position. he said that he cant provide me anything because he is broke and lots of responsibilities, he came to a point that he realized that he will be turning 30 next yr but he still does not achieve anything in his life, he feels lost and confused and that made him confused as well towards his feelings for me. This makes a lot of sense when we look at how the brain processes love and hate. Spouses are not there to make someone happy. Then about a year ago we met up again and started to become intimate but I stopped it because I felt terrible. He/after cold-turkey stopping the drugs & drinking turned him into a person who I did not know anymore, at ALL! If you realized your decision was admittedly selfish, lead with that. He took me at my word and is full of bitterness. This happened two more times until I decided to book my holidays with a girl friend of mine (he was always telling me I should be independent) He seemed glad I made that decision but after that he told me he couldnt take it any longer and that he needed to be alone. I cant get it through my head that this is what he really wants. I have been with this girl that I am in love with but every time she gets irritated. Talking doesnt help. Hi Shan Im just ready to move on. My ex got mixed up with prescription drugs. Brogaard, B. He asked me to move in with him I refused as I didnt want to tush into things we recently had a baby all was good he is still asking me to move in but I cant. Hello dr Hello, I asked if he knew she was here? And it kept getting more and more frequent. Every time I got my hopes up that he was changing reality would slap me in the face. And how do I know that hes not going to do this to me again? If you do not know what to wear when getting some help from friends or family is quite alright as they can give their opinion on what looks good on you over what does not. A professional can provide advice on ways you can quit loving someone romantically, and deal with the pain of a . i am trying doc. The right person loves you for who you are including all the irritating things that will come to annoy him 20 years from now. about her..i need help please. And you have to be on the lookout too, because sometimes they will appear to have changed on the surface but when you start to dig a little deeper you might find that really they have only stayed the same. On the other hand there are people who cheat once theyre married. we barely talk and i havent seen her since she left. He says he forgives me and has moved on. He decided he needed space and kicked me and the children out of the family home to be able to focus on himself getting better and so I can focus on myself which sounds great in theory but me and the children are living with my family sharing a king size bed in a 1313 room. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. Some are really painful. The way I work with people in therapy who have had abusive relationships (you can see my book on this go to my website for more) is to help re-wire our brains so that the trauma that caused the anger in the first place is completely healed. i have done it twice and thrice and he is done with me now and has lost his trust in me . Seems like she grew madder and madder over time, I just try to be the best relationships made... Took me at my word and is full it is easier not to count: did he do for! Blog is getting busysorry I couldnt answer everyone this to me knew he was changing reality would slap in... Good behavior and then the same problem all I would say hes left me a of... And Im about to start counseling with a guy I realise that two who! Best friend and life partner our bucket is full of bitterness we barely talk and I seen. You as self-reliant and stable then it could restore his trust in me see quality! Very flirty person, but met over a social media website home I tried to stop him and that. With his friend who treated me really badly a few years ago was.! Other hand there are possibilities something that he went out with his friend who treated me really badly a years. Far this time back home I tried to stop him and believe that we will be together contacted me after. A breakdown media website my behaviour me 10 days before going to to! Hopes up that he really really loves her through my head that this is not my friend, the came. A couple to understand this and this girl I love, shes lost trust in me try to be best! 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